Ampersand Gazette #52

Welcome to the Ampersand Gazette, a metaphysical take on some of the news of the day. If you know others like us, who want to create a world that includes and works for everyone, please feel free to share this newsletter. The sign-up is here. And now, on with the latest …  

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Normally, of course, I would start The Gazette with a quote from the press. Not today. Too many options, I think, might be the explanation. Articles on the holidays abound, and none stood out to me as particularly teachable. 

I turned, instead, to what I’ve been thinking about that we need metaphysically to face the new year. 

I think the most important blesson—a word I coined meaning the blessing in the lesson predicated on the notion that most lessons actually lessen—for all of us to affirm and practice in 2024 is stated in four letters: 

MYOB 

Yes, really, mind your own business.  

Now this is not as much of a dis as most of us are used to hearing in this phrase. I do not mean You butt out of my business. Not at all. 

I mean, Pay attention to your own life first. 

Oooh, that sounds so selfish, doesn’t it? But it’s not. There are a lot of benefits to paying attention to your own life first. A lot. The primary one being that you’re actively choosing and rechoosing constantly, and if you’re paying attention, your choices are going to be better than if you’re not. 

Secondarily, even though we worship The Great God Multi-Task, the truth is, if we’re really paying attention to our own lives, then we are not paying attention, except occasionally, to the lives of others. No more virtual or vicarious living. Nope, living your own life is empowering. Watching other people live theirs is not. (Actually, there’s a name for this last phenomenon. It’s called television.) 

Third, more dreams come true when we’re paying attention to our dreams, Beloved. There’s a good reason the expression is Pay attention. There’s a cost to attending. If I’m sitting in Radio City Music Hall watching The Rockettes dance in The Christmas Spectacular, then I’m not freaking out that so-and-so got a new x-y-z and is spouting off about it on Instagram. Minding your own business makes the comparison habit die a fast, welcome death. 

MYOB is actually the basis required for living an Ampersand Life, on a planet that works for everyone, no exceptions. MYOB is what leads to And. 

The secondary, and nearly as important, blesson is— 

ACCOUNTABILITY 

What do I mean by this? I mean, being a person of your word—in all things. I mean not making promises when you don’t intend to keep them. I mean saying no when you mean no. I mean renegotiating when things change rather than ghosting.  

I mean go look up the work of Alex Sheen. His website is becauseisaidiwould.org and he’s a fiend about accountability. Because I said I would … is a really good reason. 

Lately, accountability and consequences seem to have gone AWOL, or MIA. This one commitment to behavior that all of us like to be treated with changes relationships instantly. It clarifies which ones are important to you, and which ones you need to let go. 

It also gives you the gift of buckets more energy for the things you love to do! I kid you not. Accountability is the fastest way I know to handle energy leaks, and energy leaks are the all-too-common exhausters of every single one of us. 

If you have 7,000-odd emails in your inbox, I can guarantee you that every time you open it, you flinch, and you pull the Guilt card. Again. Right now, step into accountability. Check your calendar. Pick a two-hour window and dedicate it to an empty inbox. In fact, name the appointment: EMPTY INBOX. Then keep your word with yourself, and follow through … because you said you would. And sure, no one will know if you don’t except … you will know, and that means you’ll still be holding the Guilt card.  

When you do this one task, I will guarantee you that you will feel fifty pounds lighter, nine feet taller, and a whole lot richer not to mention emotionally clear and able to think beyond the guilt. Wealthy, indeed. 

Mike Dooley’s Notes from the Universe are always bountiful reminders as are my weekday chakra blessons on Patreon. Sign up here. This past week one of Mike’s emails read: 

It's all spiritual,
  The Universe 

This is something we all need to remember all the time, and we need to remind others of it, too. We cannot forget. 

Especially in the face of the news, politics, social media, and the nah-nah-woe-is-me-we’re-all-going-to-hell-in-a-hand-basket-hand-wringing doomsayers all around us. Do you want to contribute to that fear? I don’t. So here’s one small way to fix it, just for yourself mostly, but I can guarantee you that it works.  

These are the words of folksinger Phil Ochs (1940-1976.) 

You must protest 
It is your diamond duty 
Ah but in such an ugly time
The true protest is beauty.  

Look at something beautiful. A picture on your phone, an image in Google, a flower at the corner Korean market, a child you know or one you don’t. Point out something beautiful to someone else. Something, anything beautiful. It’s a heart’s ease for all of us. Beauty is everyone’s business in this day and age wherein we are all learning to Ampersand. 

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When you have a friend or family member who is upset … ask this one question …

Do you want to be helped, heard or hugged?

It clarifies needs. It de-escalates swirling emotions. It helps us take positive action.

Each option—an embrace, thoughtful but solicited advice, or an empathetic ear—has the power to comfort and calm.

Finding out whether your loved one wants to be helped, heard, or hugged “is really asking, ‘How can I meet your needs?’”

 “You’re asking permission—and also being very intentional—which is a sign of empathy.”

from a Well Column in The New York Times
“When Someone You Love Is Upset, Ask This One Question”
April 7, 2023 

This question goes a long, long way in the accountability department, and also helps with minding your own business. You’ll be amazed at how quickly it can de-escalate an upset, and around the holidays, that’s not such a bad thing. 

There’s nothing worse than needing just to vent and having someone launch into helping before you’ve gotten whatever it is off your chest. Asking this question also often takes fighting about how you’re communicating off the table, too. 

Think of the last time you were really upset. What did you want? If someone had asked this $64,000 question, would it have helped the outcome? Try it sometime, you’ll see that it works. 

Oh, and speaking of work … while this seems like a question for closer personal connections, it works at work, too, especially since you can say, (as hugging is often frowned at in human resources realms) “Consider yourself hugged,” and accomplish the same thing. 

Also, it doesn’t matter the age of the person you’re asking. Once a small child has even rudimentary language skills, it works just as well on them, even on teenagers. 

Think on this a moment, Beloved. There’s honor in this question. It says, I see you. I hear you. I want you to have the power in this situation. How may I add to your sense of well-being in this circumstance? Yes, real, old-fashioned, Leroy Jethro Gibbs-type honor. And I’m sure I don’t have to say that we on our small green marble can use all the honor we can get right now. 

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Don’t forget this bottomline prayer. It works every time … 

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And in publishing news … 

I’ve finished the Lazy Verbs, and re-read Gemma Eclipsing in full, and I turned it over to Tony Amato, my amazing editor, on December 19th, a few days before I thought I would. And wasn’t that a high! So exciting.  

Now Bookhusband Amato will have his way with it whilst I scrabble around for cover art—which I might already have, get in touch with the designer, format the interior art, and write the all-important sales blurb. An author entrepreneur’s work is never done. 

One of the other things I get to do is find a special kind of beta reader.  

Do you know about beta readers? 

Usually they’re fans of an author, but in this case, I’m in need of an expert on rowing crew. I’ve decided to reach out to the Athletic Department at Smith College, where the rowers in the book are from—albeit more than a hundred years earlier, and see if one of the students on the crew team would be willing to read twelve pages just to make sure I’ve not made a big mistake somewhere. That ought to be fun. 

In fact, another author Tony works with also needed a special kind of beta reader recently, and I happened to know someone who could fit the need. I put Tony in touch with her, and she read the book for Tony’s client, and gave him feedback. Then, she realized that she had a series she wanted to write, and reached out to Tony in her own behalf. This is usually how people find Bookhusband Tony Amato: through connections.  

If you are in need of a good editor, and want to get a jump on your creative output for 2024, you’d be wise to consider Tony. You can find him here. All of my books are exponentially better because of his brilliant attention. It doesn’t matter where you are in the book writing process—an idea kicking around, fifty thousand words written, done and needing a line edit, or facing a revision, he’s good at all of it. 

I’ve started re-reading Jezebel Rising and Jasmine Increscent in preparation for two-volume paperbacks of those in the New Year. Very exciting. One of the things I get to do after Christmas is go to Barnes & Noble, the bricks-and-mortar kind, on a field trip. I want to look at other two-volume books to see how publishers do those. That ought to be fun. 

I’m still researching Jacqueline Retrograde, and it’s getting close to starting time. I think once I’ve re-read the first two and gotten my publishing responsibilities covered, then it’ll be time to start writing. I am so delighted at where the story is going. These subversives are determined to have their stories told, and soonish! Plus, I’m missing writing. Already! 

The first two of the tetralogy can be found at the live links above, and I’m expecting to publish book three within the first quarter of 2024. 

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As for my chakra work, I’m currently working on a chakra playlist as a giveaway for next year.  

Listening to different treatments of the same song has been a fascinating process for me. The song is Pachebel’s Canon in D Major, and apparently, it’s one of those you can hear in all kinds of music.  

One of the things I’ve noticed over the years about music purporting to support chakras is that most of them don’t, at least not for me. Partially, it’s because I need more grounded sound than that which is found in ambient woo music. Partially it’s because no music ever touches just one chakra at a time. Not only that, but which pieces touch which chakra change all the time! Why not? Chakras change all the time. It only makes sense. 

I’m hoping to be able to release the playlist soon after January 1st.  

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A happy ending is upon me … 

I started writing Seeds twenty-five years ago. Since then, year in and year out, on every Friday, I sent a few paragraphs of spiritual inspiration. This year it became clear that twenty-five years is enough. So the last Seed will go out later this week on December 29, 2023.  

A new beginning is upon me … 

Happily, I have new Seeds marching instructions. Over the years, I’ve written enough of them that I could make three full-year daybooks. I’m going to start with one. Then I’m to look for someone who’ll help design an app, for all of them.

I’m so glad I did this writing, and it will be repurposed over the years as inspiration for a long time to come. 

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And now, for a little Christmas fun …

Yes, physical books with pages and a binding and everything. 

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This is by Our Lady of Whimsy, Mary Engelbreit, in her Engeldark Aspect. Hilarious.
Been there, done that. 

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Each week, since we hung these two lone ornaments in the Shoprite parking lot, they are still there. We hope they were an inspiration to everyone who saw them. I am, of course, more convinced than ever that And is the solution to everything, and so, Be Ampersand, Beloved, until next time. 

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I chose a black-and-white image for my new year’s wishes this time because it’s time all of us got crystal clear on our own values.

May you live with conviction in 2024,
MYOB, and
walk in prophetic accountability.  

Just remember I am here to help, hear, and hug.
If you wish to consult with me on some aspect of your life,
please get in touch with me here. 

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