Ampersand Gazette #57
Welcome to the Ampersand Gazette, a metaphysical take on some of the news of the day. If you know others like us, who want to create a world that includes and works for everyone, please feel free to share this newsletter. The sign-up is here. And now, on with the latest …
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Of all the wrenching details that have emerged in news coverage of Nex Benedict’s death, the one that broke my heart in two was a comment by the woman who raised them. “Nex did not see themselves as male or female,” Sue Benedict told Bevan Hurley of The Independent. “Nex saw themselves right down the middle. I was still learning about it, Nex was teaching me that.”
from a Contributing Opinion Essay by Margaret Renkl
“We Owe it to Nex Benedict to Do Better By Bullied Teens”
February 26, 2024
Heartbreak happens. But some heartbreak is heartbreakier than others. This is the heartbreak that *could* have been prevented.
The picture of Nex Benedict in The New York Times broke my heart—for Nex, of course, but also for their primary caregiver, their grandmother, Sue Benedict. I know what it feels like to experience the death of a child. There is no pain like it in the world.
Nex’s death, had anyone in a position of power acted, could have been prevented.
But … it wasn’t.
For those readers who have worked with me in the past, I know you’re all thinking of my Should Song, which goes like this:
Maybe you should have … And if you could have … You would have …
But you couldn’t … So you didn’t … So next.
Should, of course, becomes the battering ram we all use on ourselves and others when we regret (or blame) whatever has happened in the past. There’s a good reason that AA brandishes the saying, “Don’t should on yourself.”
Now, I can’t begin to know what those teenagers thought or felt at the time. Nor can I know what the bathroom monitors thought or felt. Nor can I know what the school administrators thought or felt. Nor can I even imagine what local law enforcement thought or felt.
But now, in retrospect, I have an opinion: Nex’s death was preventable. It probably was, but I can’t know that really either. I wasn’t there.
But what I do know, if I zoom out, is that the way bullying is handled in our civilization is not effective. Whatever we’re doing isn’t stopping the bullies or the bullied. In fact, a lot of what we’re not doing is encouraging the bullies to keep at it.
It’s only when a tragedy of this proportion occurs that we even stop to ponder how we might have prevented such a loss.
I’ve been working on my Energy Leaks project for a few weeks now (or my whole life, depending upon how you look at it,) and I came across a sentence that made me freeze momentarily. Here it is:
Prejudice is the practice of absence from life.
I surmise that prejudice—the practice of judging before—is what was behind the thoughts, words, and deeds of all those who were present [allegedly] in the circumstances surrounding Nex’s death. In point of fact, though, they weren’t present; they were absent.
Instead of seeing a sixteen-year-old trying to find their way in the world, just like all sixteen-year-olds, the people around them led with their prejudices, and acted in accord with them, rather than being present, asking questions, holding still, judging not, and finding a way for everyone to thrive.
That’s the heartbreak that their grandmother, and we, will live with every day for the rest of our lives. Um, Matthew Shepherd?
Do you remember after 9/11 there was a series of ads that said, “If you see something, say something?” I think that applies here.
Nex had been bullied for more than a year. No one saw anything. No one said anything. Or, even if people saw something, they didn’t say something. The next time you see bullying, say something.
And to you, Nex, we’ll miss you. I honor your sacrifice which drew our attention to yet another travesty in our world in the hope that, at long last, humanity will finally show up and do the right thing.
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“I like to think of myself not only as an actor, but also a detective, and as I’m playing the role I’m also paying attention to what’s working, and what isn’t,” she said. “You get an opportunity every day to keep discovering. And I don’t think you ever stop.”
from a feature in The New York Times
“Everyone Knows Sutton Foster Can Sing. Now We Know She Can Juggle.”
February 19, 2024
Sue Benedict, Nex’s grandmother, was quoted in The Times, “I was still learning about it, Nex was teaching me that.” She was talking about her grandchild’s gender.
Sutton Foster, the accomplished theatre actress, who just took on starring in Sweeney Todd on Broadway as Mrs. Lovett and starring as Princess Winifred in Encores!’ Once Upon A Mattress at the same time, said a similar thing, “You get an opportunity every day to keep discovering. And I don’t think you ever stop.”
Certainly Sue Benedict would never have stopped learned about her much beloved grandchild. Certainly Sutton Foster keeps her performances alive by seeing them as opportunities for discovery.
We’re here on Planet Earth, Belovèd, to learn and teach. That we means all of us, no exceptions. We are here to learn from one another, and to teach one another, and from that mutually-beneficial education, to grow and to heal on our own and together.
Things can seem more and more dire these days. Certainly, if my clientele is any indication, there is a lot of Woe, woe is I going around. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had to recommend not reading the news.
The election is months away; all the conjecture in the world won’t make it come any faster. The wars in the world will end, eventually. The economy will expand and contract, as it does. The politicos will posture and bloviate, until honor returns as a core value. The church will have its scandals and its successes. Children will do well and poorly in school.
Stop the World, I Want to Get Off was a musical written in 1961 by Leslie Bricusse and Anthony Newley. I know a whole lot of us feel this way, and yet … and yet …
In the northern hemisphere, the days are lengthening, and the light returns. Spring is on its way. Humans are having their ups and their downs, but more ups. More and more people are reaching for spiritual solutions to earthly problems. More and more of us are beginning to understand that unless I want for you what I want for myself, I can’t have it.
No matter your opinion, Belovèd, we’re all here, in this, together, and unless you know how to stop the world and get off, we’re here until further notice.
Did you know that the quality of your daily life is up to you? It’s your attitude that creates how you experience your daily life, nothing more, nothing less, and, here’s the coolest part: it’s an inside job. I promise.
You get to be happy or mad or afraid or elated or any other thing you want.
From. The. Inside. Out.
Which means that whatever is happening outside you only has the effect that you let it have.
I know, sometimes that’s hard to swallow. But, it’s also the best news ever. You are not ever a victim of any kind unless you label yourself that. And no, that doesn’t mean bad things don’t happen, and that we are not saddened or hurt by them, but … we still have a choice as to how to respond to those bad things.
This is the gift of Free Will. You use it to free yourself—and everyone else. No exceptions.
That’s why it’s so important to stay open, keep learning, keep growing, keep healing. Every bit of wholeness—my own integrity—that I reclaim, makes me a better person, and the world a better place.
Maybe when Nex comes back the next time, they’ll be delighted to discover that we’ve all learned the valuable lesson their life was meant to teach us.
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Here’s a universal affirmation. It works every time, for everyone, always and forever …
Mike Dooley
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And in publishing news …
We’re twenty chapters in to reading Gemma Eclipsing aloud. I’m always amazed at how much I haven’t caught in my own proofreading. Seriously, if you ever really need something to be perfect, proofread it aloud. It’ll boggle your mind. At the rate we’re going, I’m now aiming for Tax Day to launch both ebooks and paperbacks.
Speaking of which, I am still in a serious muddle with Amazon. I published the two-volume sets of Jezebel Rising and Jasmine Increscent, and I seem to have single-handedly scrambled Amazon’s algorithm. The series page is a disaster! I promise to take two orange patience pills and call them in the morning.
Eep. True confessions: I couldn’t do it. The patience pills aren’t working! I have to be in the right mind, maybe my right mind, to call KDP. Their customer service leaves a certain amount to be desired, and you have to go through at least two levels to get someone with any sort of expertise at all. I’ll do it—when I can face it without wanting to rip out my own hair or theirs.
If you’re wanting the paperbacks, look carefully. There are two volumes for each book.
The first two of the tetralogy, Jezebel Rising and Jasmine Increscent can be found at these live links for ebooks and paperbacks.
Once again, here is the blurb for Gemma Eclipsing—Book Three of The Subversive Lovelies!
A rescue. An artistic vision. And her new vicety demands its immediate birth.
Gemma Bailey is the third of the Bailey siblings, yes, those Baileys. Known for being exceptionally talented on the stage, whether theatrical or domestic in nature, Gemma is given muchly to dramatics in the best sense of the word. She can make an occasion out of anything. She loves ritual. She loves pomp. She loves circumstance. She’s good at all of it, and she’s perfectly content with her legion of myriad friendships, no romance necessary.
Now it’s time for Gemma’s vicety—the third of four the sibs had planned upon the death of their beloved father seven years earlier. Since then, Jezebel’s pair of viceties—The Obstreperous Trumpet, a saloon, and The Salacious Sundae, an ice cream parlor—are going great guns. Jasmine’s vicety, The Board Room, the first of its kind in the City, is racking up the profits, all of which go to charitable causes. Gemma has been naming and claiming a music hall as her chosen vicety for years until the time arrives to make it happen.
Then, the extremis of a young painter causes a vision for a fine arts academy strictly for women artists to be birthed full-blown from Gemma’s eternally capacious imagination. And despite her abundant performance giftedness, Gemma discovers a fulfilling talent she never dreamed she had.
Will her vision engender the support it needs from all corners of the exclusively masculine art world? Will she struggle pointlessly to put forth her case? Or will an encounter with an unlikely colorful glass artisan change the whole game completely for Gemma and her vision for a vibrantly creative future for Chelsea Towers?
I’m on the verge of diving into writing Jacqueline Retrograde, and I can’t wait!
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May I recommend to you a stellar bookhusband? Sometimes, we all need accountability. That’s where my brilliant spouse Tony Amato comes in. It doesn’t matter if “all” you have is an idea. He’ll help you figure out what to do next, and he’ll keep you intent on your goal. Find him here.
In fact, this very weekend, we have a meeting to figure out what the Energy Leaks micro-courses might have turned into! The more I write, the more I realize that these courses are the backbone of a book on how to take care of yourself through metaphysical means. I’ve made a full stop for the moment, and will let you know what we co-discover when next I write.
I think I’m still happy with my six categories: Health, Relationships, Mindset, Spirituality, Wealth, and Technology, but now that we’re in developmental conversation about it, all bets are off on how it will work out. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.
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The Top Secret Series based upon the chakra system is still fizzing and whirring. The other day I happened upon a newsletter from a favorite author of mine, Sierra Simone, about her new book which is a retelling of the Tristan and Isolde myth. It’ll be out this spring, but she said that the first time the idea occurred to her was in the shower in 2018!
I have a feeling that there’s a lot more research for this series of speculative metaphysical fiction. I love the idea of writing parallel history, but this time, humanity does the right thing instead of the wrong thing.
It turns out that The Phoenix Initiation is still on the stove, if the back burner. It might be a few years before the research on this one is done!
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For those of us who are part of the magical LGBTQ+ family,
and the human family,
it can help to seek
The Gift
in the “bad” things that happen.
I am, without doubt, certain that And is the secret to all we desire.
Let’s commit to practicing And ever more diligently, shall we?
Until next time,
Be Ampersand.
S.
P. S. You are receiving this on the 27th Anniversary of the very first words I wrote in The Mex Mysteries! I noted the date especially because it was March 4th—march forth! And so, I did.