Ampersand Gazette #34

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Democracy arises out of the notion that those who are equal in any respect are equal in all respects.” 

Nikos Christodoulides, President of Cyprus, at a virtual Summit for Democracy
from The New Yorker’s “Talk of the Town” by Benjamin Wallace-Wells
April 10, 2023 

Democracy, it would seem, is under siege these days. There are all kinds of folx who have decided that their way—whatever that way is—is the right way. It doesn’t really matter who they are, or how they’ve decided to roll, or what they think they’re right about.

What matters, really, is what we do now.

The thing that is toughest for me about all this finger-pointing, j’accuse-ing, and blaming is addressed like pure crystalline water by these words of the President of Cyprus. We can’t cherry-pick equality. In the long run, it really isn’t possible.

If two things are equal, then they’re completely equal, or … uh, they’re not equal.

Oh, I see, we get equality for queer people who want to marry now, but those very same people can’t be seen in books or movies or on television.

We’ve been down this road, haven’t we? Oh, only at the very beginning of my lifetime, but we all know, as sure as we know what the weather is on any given day, that separate but equal isn’t equal. Or as futurist George Orwell put it, “Some people are more equal than others.”

In the face of all this injustice, all this condemnation, all this inequality, it’s hard not to fall ass over teakettle into serious resistance. Some people would even say that it’s our duty to resist these blatant abuses. I agree.

BUT … I had a realization this week, in a completely different arena of my life, that pertains here.

You can resist without being in resistance.

I should probably write that again: You can resist without being in resistance.

I have a serious objection to the legislation concerning who is ‘allowed’ to wear what clothing in public. Really. Whose business is that but their own? If you want to wear a spandex miniskirt, a low-cut sweater, and a bouffant hairstyle to do your weekly shopping, more power to you, say I.

Policing people’s clothing is a country too far for me.

Then I came across this in The Times:

I once interviewed Cher, who told me that the best advice she had ever received was, “If it doesn’t matter in five years, it doesn’t matter.” I keep her words in mind any time I’m faced with a problem. It instantly puts the issue into context: Is this going to matter five years from now, or even five days from now? If not, why am I giving it so much real estate in my brain?

Jancee Dunn, author of The New York Times weekly newsletter for the Well Column
April 2, 2023 

Now you might not think of Cher as the world’s most savvy advisor, but you’d be amazed at how lived experience can inform a person. This is a beautiful test of one’s own resistance. 

Are you reactive—to something? Great. Stop. Ask Cher’s Solomonic question: Will this matter in five years? 

The likelihood that anyone will be telling anyone what to wear in public five years from now is absurd. All this fuss-and-feathers over who’s right and who’s wrong and who should pay and who should say … and I could go on and on. 

The notion here is to stay out of resistance, and resist anyway. 

So here’s another clue: if you’re in resistance—to anything—you will feel it in your body. There will be tension some place. Your solar plexus will be tight or your jaw will ache or your shoulders will tense up. Or, you might be even more obvious with your hands in fists raised and ready to punish. 

I understand the impulse. Believe me. And how is that helping? How is that helping you? How is that helping our world? And how the hell is that helping the drag queens in Tennessee? 

Not to put too fine a point on it, but it isn’t. 

So now consider, these words from the review of the new production of Camelot: 

The idea of changing a culture of violence to one of justice is at the heart of the story. 

from The New York Times’ Jesse Greene’s review
“In a Sorkinized ‘Camelot,’ That’s How Conditions Are. Alas.”
April 14, 2023 

So let us name what is actually happening here. Simply put, at its most basic, what we are seeing is violence. Let that echo through the hallways of your mind for a minute. Violence, yes, and violence for spurious, trumped-up, faux outrage so absurd that it’s a miracle those perpetrating it can even keep a straight face as they do. 

Resistance, Beloved, I am sorry to say is part of violence. Oh, a relatively benign part, sure, but nonetheless sourced in violence. Do you want to be a part of perpetuating it? I don’t. 

One of the most satisfying answers to violence is justice. There’s another word for it, and that is peace. When peace lives in your heart, it lives in your body, it lives in your mind, and it lives in your spirit, too. 

That’s how we can resist without being in resistance. Stay in your own peace, and resist anyway. It’s about living an Ampersand life of both/and rather than the either/or we’re offered all the time. What do you choose? 

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When Someone You Love Is Upset, Ask This One Question 

Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged? Each option—an embrace, thoughtful but solicited advice, or an empathetic ear—has the power to comfort and calm. 

from The New York Times’ Well Column by Jancee Dunn
April 12, 2023 

OMG, think of the arguments that could be skipped if we all learned to ask this one question before we responded to someone’s plaint, problem, or possibility! 

I’ve known only one person who asked a similar question of me, and it set me free. I’m an auditory, and sometimes when I’m working out something in a book—a character development thing or a plot point or even a dedication—all I need to do is say out loud what I’m thinking to get clear enough to know what I want to do. 

My editor, Tony Amato, is the one person who asked me helped or heard as he coached me through writing more than thirty books. [I’m actually on number 33 even as I write.] Now, since I was smart enough to marry him, he’s added hugged into the equation. 

What a difference it makes! 

If you need to be helped or heard, find him here. 

And, at the risk of overemphasizing the resistance teaching … think. Would this not be an utterly transformative question to ask of yourself when you fall into resistance? For surely you will. 

Or, a friend or colleague or, for that matter, a total stranger, when they do? 

One, perhaps the one and only question of the spiritual life is: What do you want? When we can answer that, we can go there. Same here. You’re in resistance, what do you want? 

Sure, you want to live in a world where no one tells anyone else what to wear in public or in private or anywhere the hell else they want to be. Right. Roger that. But what do you want right now? In the face of your resistance? 

You want to be at peace, and speak up anyway. 

Go ahead. Try it. Ask Cher’s question, and then this one. It will change things for the better, I’m sure of it. 

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And in publishing & presenting news … 

I’m more than 175,000 words into Jasmine Increscent, the second of The Subversive Lovelies series about four sisters in the late nineteenth to early twentieth centuries who simply refuse, point blank, to follow the rules. My guidance about this book has been adamant and I expect it will remain that way. 

A guesstimate for completion? May 1st? Our wedding anniversary—perfect. And a pub date? July-ish? September? It depends upon how long it takes to get the right cover organized, the manuscript edited and proofed, and some production time.  

I’ll keep you posted. 

Startingly, as I’ve been so focused on Jasmine, a whole series of invitations to speak and teach have come my way. It is slowly becoming quite clear to me that the work I have done for so many years as a guide, mentor, and counselor is slowly waning to an end. 

The next phase is quite clearly focused on teaching and writing. Now that doesn’t mean I don’t counsel the persons I teach, I do, in fact, but it does mean that our purpose is, ideally, the impartation of whatever wisdom I have accumulated over these forty years of counseling practice. It’s exciting and a little scary all at the same time. 

So, a few salesy things:  

If you would like to arrange for me to speak to a group, please get in touch via email. It doesn’t matter to me if it’s twenty thousand people in an arena or ten in your living room. I’ll gladly talk about metaphysics, living a spiritual life, the human energy system via the chakras, healing, or just answer your spiritual inquiries—oh, and there are also thirty-two books we could discuss. 

You may get a taste for the teaching via these venues in the next few months: 

Soulful Conversations at OneSpirit Learning Alliance May 4th  7-8 PM on Zoom 

Everyone is intuitive. Everyone. Without exception. It’s just that so few of us have been taught how to pay attention to it. In our fast-paced, consumer world, intuitive anything is actually counterintuitive! Go figure that. 

Why? Because intuition is quiet. Because intuition is interior. Because intuition is personal. And
it doesn’t require a class or a book or a teacher, but … in case you need a little brush-up on connecting with your intuition, chakra expert Dr. Susan Corso will lead today’s soulful conversation based on the sixth chakra, the intuitive one. 

Begin to honor the depth of your own intuitive knowing … 

It’s free, and there’s a suggested donation if you can. Register here. 

Ignite the Light Expo with The Afterlight Institute May 12, 13, & 14, 2023 

I will be interviewed by Lauren Grace, the founder of The Afterlight Institute, on Facebook Live on May 12th from 8-9 PM. 

If this conversation with Lauren is anything like the others I’ve had—I swear she’s my sister from another mother—it will range all over the spiritual universe and ought to be a lot of fun. 

Reclaiming Our Spiritual Heritage: An LGBTQ Spirituality Virtual Conference June 17th to 24th, 2023 on Zoom. 

It’s quite a thrill to have been asked to be a featured speaker at this conference, especially since our trans family members are under such attack. Christian de la Huerta, the author of Coming Out Spiritually, is the host of this worldwide Zoom event. More details to follow. 

Soul Deep Conversations with The Afterlight Institute Date TBA 

These are two-hour deep dive conversations with Lauren Grace in front of a studio audience wherein we co-teach from our differing perspectives—Lauren is a very gifted medium—and answer audience questions. More details to follow. 

So as you can see, I am appearing at a theatre … no, I meant, on a Zoom screen, near you very soon. Every time someone approaches me with these sorts of invitations, my heart does a little happy dance. The more people who know they’re not alone in their practice of metaphysics, the better. 

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P.S. As if further affirmation were needed, I read this in yesterday morning’s New York Times from an Op-Ed piece by Mary Pipher called “Grandmothers of the World, Unite.” 

“Action can come from love or anger. Older women know that leading with love is the most effective approach.”  

Swap out Action with Resisting. Resistance can come from love or anger. 

By making this swap, we contribute mightily to the solution, Beloved, and we detract magnificently from the problem.  

Until we meet again, be Ampersand, S.